I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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