i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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