This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
