yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
