As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
