threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
