In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
