You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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