i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
