So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
