wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
