i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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