A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
