The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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