I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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