Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
