i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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