I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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