Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
