he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
