I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
