You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
