There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
