We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
