I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
