Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
