this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
