I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
