Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
