I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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