can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
