remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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