idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
