just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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