i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
