Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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