If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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