Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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