Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
