Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
