The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
