her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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