She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Randomize
