Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
