Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
