Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
