You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
