I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
