Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
