It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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