Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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