I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize