are you so shy because you have an std?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
