Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
