Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I believe in your delicious
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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