I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
