Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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