Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
