he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
