you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
