i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
