I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
