I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
