If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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