i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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