If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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