i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
