his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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