Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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