so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
