he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize