I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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