Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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