Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
