I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
