It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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