Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
