i think my mom watched the whole time
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
