i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
