i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
