I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Randomize
