she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
