I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
