my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
