So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
